Survive / Alive

These are two poems I wrote at two very different times of my life. I originally didn’t pair them together, however with looking back on them recently, it’s very easy to see my progression in my mental health journey. It’s never easy. Even still! But, you just gotta keep going. Because eventually, you’re gonna feel okay. You’re gonna remember how loved you really are, how cared for you are, and you’ll start getting on that life path you want too, it’ll all come together! Sometimes it just takes longer for others. And that’s okay! ❤ all that to say, we are not alone in this thing we call life.

The first poem reflects a more negative tone, with short stanzas & a simple rhythm. It resembles wanting to break out of the cycle that you can be stuck in, wanting to be better. But sometimes it just feels impossible.

The second poem acknowledges said negatively and embraces it fully. Acknowledging the sadness can help the bright light shine through the clouds a lot quicker. And you can’t have sunshine without a little rain! Otherwise where would the rainbows be? ❤

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Survive.

Originally titled “Mixed.”

Written on 01/29/2020

I’m tired, but I’m awake;
Making my way though
The day while trudging
Along, wanting to lay
In bed in my room.

I’m happy, but I’m down;
Feeling joyous and seeing
Smiles on faces, while
Also feeling nothing,
Wanting to drown in music.

I’m strong, but I’m weak;
Helping others when
Needing someone, while
Hiding myself away to
Not burden anyone.

All these mixed feelings,
All these mixed thoughts.
Difficult to maintain, yet
Easy to cover up the
Negatives.

However, I’m hoping to change.

---

Alive.

Written on 4/20/2021

“Fake it til you make it.”
That’s what I would tell myself
In my head every day.
I would get up, plaster a smile on my face,
And enter the day with a mask.
If anyone asked me “Are you okay?”
I would respond with “Yeah, I’m alright.”
But as soon as I was closed up in my room,
All alone,
I would reveal the truth.
Crying at least three times a week,
Feeling numb almost four days, maybe 5.
I would try to feel better,
And sometimes it worked,
But after I finished what I was doing
I would feel exactly how I did before.
I was surviving.

“Make it til you make it.”
I wake up with a sense of calmness
That I have never felt. A sense of comfort.
I enter the day with a genuine grin,
Looking forward to what the day brings.
If someone asks me, “Are you okay?”
I answer with however I am feeling,
Trying not to mask my emotions.
There are still those tough days,
But I know that how I feel is a part of me.
It is me.
If I feel as if I want to do an activity, I do it,
Thinking about standing in the rain?
I’ll dance in a downpour.
I live each and every day to its fullest
As much as I am able.
Because now, I can enjoy life truly.
I am living.