Let’s Deep Dive Into Relationships

A Thought Dump About Sexuality, Relationships, and My Experience With Relationships

So, relationships. The act of being with one person in an intimate way. Or not! Relationships can be with one person, with multiple, with the same sex or the opposite. You get what I mean. Sexuality and relationships fluctuate all throughout society. There isn’t just one specific kind. Now, society has put into our minds that a relationship has to be a man and a woman, just them, and they get married and have kids.

That does not sound ideal to me.

See, at least in my aspect, relationships have never really worked out for me. I’ve been with a few people, some relationships more intense than others, but, obviously, none have worked out. I have learned things from each relationship that I have been in, though.

Here are some lessons I have learned:

• You need boundaries in your relationship, no matter how long you have been together.
• Know your worth.
• Say no when you feel uncomfortable. Make it known.
• Make sure to take care of yourself before taking care of whoever you are with.
• You are your own person.
• You should be able to have friends and hang out with them. You shouldn’t be tied down to just your relationship.

These are valuable lessons I have learned from past relationships. Now, the actions that occurred where I had to learn these absolutely sucked. However, each heartbreak made my heart stronger and helped me figure out who I am even more.

When I first started the act of “dating”, I was in 8th grade. I was young and barely knew how relationships worked. And as I started dating, I also started to question my sexuality. “Am I gay? Am I bi?” Those thoughts would go in circles in my head almost every day. When I finally came to terms with how I identified, I began to feel so much better. But then I got into another relationship with a guy and began to question again.

I had the thought process that if i was dating a guy, then I must be straight. I couldn’t be bi, that just wouldn’t make sense! But I can tell you right here right now, that is not the case at all.

Listen to me. If you are bisexual and you are dating someone, that doesn’t mean you are straight, gay, whatever. You are still bisexual. Your sexuality is still valid. And if anyone says otherwise, then they need to get themselves educated because that is not okay.

I am a VERY strong advocate on gender & sexuality and I have been for years. Especially since I, myself, have been on my own gender & sexuality journey for as long as I can remember. So I am a safe person to talk to, and can get very passionate when it comes to these topics.

But anyway, back to the original topic at hand.

I’ve been in the dating pool ever since 8th grade. Since then, I have dated guys and girls and I can proudly say I am bisexual. However, right now I am not entirely sure if I want to be in a relationship.

I am someone who loves to give love. Whether it be to a partner, a friend, family, whoever. I love showing my love for people. One of my big love languages has become gift giving. I LOVE getting gifts for people. I love seeing the smiles on their faces when the open or see their gift. I love seeing them happy.

One of my biggest love languages though is physical touch.

I love physical affection. It lets me know that the person that I am with is there. I love hugs, cuddling with people, hand holding, all of it. I don’t feel the need to keep physical touch like that, like gentle shows of affection, exclusive to relationships. You should be able to show your friends affection like that. And I hate how taboo it is to do that.

Sometimes just the feeling of holding your friend’s hand can be comforting enough to calm yourself if you’re not feeling good. Or even a warm embrace, or even cuddling up as you watch something. There’s just something so calming about it. And I could never get tired of it.

Right now, I don’t think I need a relationship. But do I still want to be affectionate with people? Yes. Can you be affectionate to people in any way when not in a relationship? Yes. As long as it’s consensual from all parties.

That’s another thing: consent.

I have had some not good experiences where I have said no and my partner has either ignored me or convinced me otherwise. NEITHER OF THOSE YOU SHOULD DO OR BE OKAY WITH. When you say no, they should take it as no, not “keep going.” Or if you seem uncomfortable, they should check to see if you’re okay or if you want them to stop (and vice versa).

Checking on each other is absolutely essential. Because how you feel throughout affection or intimacy might change for some reason, so it’s always good to make sure. Even if it feels like you are asking a shit ton, there’s no harm in asking!

Relationships can be tough, no matter what kind of relationship it is. And sometimes there can be disagreements. I’m someone who does not like confrontation at all, and yet I have had my fair share. Some disagreements got pretty bad, and I didn’t always react the best.

One of my first instincts was to shut down. To not say anything. And that part sucks, because there are things that I wanted to say, but I just felt like I couldn’t. But over time, I have improved with stating how I feel. I hate keeping my mouth shut, so now I try to state how I feel anytime I am in a disagreement.

Disagreements suck. I think we can all agree on that. But sometimes, though, they have to happen. Otherwise, how are you going to figure things out with them? Of course there are some that just aren’t fun at all, but once all is said and done, you most likely will understand how the other feels even more.

As you can see, I could talk about these topics for a long time. And I most likely will talk about it again! Like I mentioned before, I am a very strong advocate on gender & sexuality, and I have quite a bit of experience with relationships. Am I in one right now? No. Am I still happy with the way things are right now? Oh absolutely.